Everyone loves Brownes, it lives in the annals of South Dublin folklore. This little delicatessen and cafe squeezes in about 40 people on weekends for coffee and breakfast after a long brisk walk on Sandymount Strand.
The ozone in the air must really work up an appetite because the food here is one of the least attractive propositions, unless of course you count the dank dark unsavoury bathrooms, accessed past a stairwell enclosed by walls of peeling paint. It is an act of sheer psychological avoidance that allows people to miss the dirt clinging to the sides of the elderly tiles in front of the loo. Downstairs, in the relative cosy environment of wooden seats and warm wall colours it is easy to forget that dark colours can hide history. It is time this cafe updated its decor and stopped trading off a nostalgic warmth of the locals or visitors to the area, where there are few choices for all-day dining.
The menu is large and covers off every usual suspect in terms of frys, paninis, sandwiches, wraps – you name it, you’ll find it here. Unfortunately with such a large repertoire, something gets left out – here it is the actual cooking of the food and the quality of ingredients.
If you sit in the seat opposite the side view to the kitchen, you will see the chef (he’s certainly wearing the get-up) dancing balletically between the microwaves and the toaster. I watched for over an hour while my constipated cat underwent an enema at the local vets. He stirred eggs for omelettes in microwaveable jugs, poppped them in, then whisked them out and poured them in a fluffy mass onto the plate. Then came the poached eggs, compressed into microwaveable tubs so that they re-appeared deformed. The bacon striplets are pre-cooked, then re-heated (no full rashers here). I had Eggs Benedict with ham that was decent and cut-off the bone but it was curiously speckled with blood spots. The hollandaise sauce that swam on the plate was eggy and liquid rather than rich and unctuous. I am sure it was not made from scratch. It was to have arrived with a muffin, but came instead with a bread bun, a small detail in the scheme of things but when you add everything up, there is too much of an emphasis on choice and not enough on quality.
The cakes looked good and wholesome, a good thing for this deli that has to cater to yummie mummies who need a sugar hit mid-afternoon when they re-acquire their offspring. That along with the deli counter means you certainly have high expectations that the food will be made fresh. It is a kind of fresh, in that each item is freshly cooked in a convenient manner in the quickest cheapest way possible. I am sure much of it arrives fresh in tubs from the wholesalers too.
I have eaten in this cafe many times, never by choice, always because there was nowhere else to eat in this glorious seaside village with a view of the park. It is a bit like being caught short and needing a loo – if you can’t wait until you get home to eat, then thedublingobbler suggests that you have a coffee and a home-made scone, which look genuine and delicious. The cappucino arrives, suitably for this seaside location with an ocean of froth which you have to remove onto a saucer before you get to the coffee so you may wish to ask for a regular coffee (which is actually very good).
Of course, there are people who are happy with this kind of food, with everything microwaved and pre-prepared and sauces made from caterer’s drums. If Irish people think this is good food then we have a serious problem with our palates and an ever bigger one with our pockets if we are prepared to pay for food that is passed from machine to machine, rather than to be affectionately cooked by hand.
18 Sandymount Green, Sandymount, Dublin 4. Tel: 01 269 7316
Filed under: Restaurants and Cafés
